We Are Ready

"We must turn to the children; the exhausted; the ravaged and burdened and oppressed - they know the secret… It's the really hungry who can smell fresh bread a mile away."

Rowan Williams

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Dear Alex,

A part of me collapsed in discreet turmoil today. My evening fluttered in terror. I felt as if a gale had stripped me barren of my hope as Mom. I could smell a dream in decay a mile away.

What is the point of being a parent? Sure, we can point to sacrifice, legacy. Maybe the points escalate to child-rearing rewards of joy and thrill. Or we pinpoint an iteration of ourselves in the intent and attitude of our kids. They take “pictures of me but only for the interiority of the place, chamber of their hearts.”

I should clarify “point” to mean purpose or motivation. A purposeful, motivating parent makes a point for now and ever - in heritage and prospect. Give your all and let all be given back to you in spin.

But when your point becomes pointless in the fatigue and fantasy of parenthood, what becomes the refined meaning of being dad or mom?

Tonight I searched through the eyes of my teen for purpose and motivation. She stared into my vacant gaze, the type that feels boundless in disappointment, bubbly for control. Then emerge the secret of humming Christmas tunes in July and painting pumpkins long before harvest: being Mom is exhausting; no points attached.

I have been baking at least thrice weekly for the past few months. My supply of flour has been enriched to homemade loaves and laughs. Last night my bread was too salty, this night too soggy.

But I was too hungry for the secret embedded in crumbly slices so I ate a big chunk, warming it down my throat, eyes closed by the weight of a long day and night, breathing into the soul a mile of fresh bread, gloom fading in secret.

Yours, Kate

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Dear Kate,

I know how hopeless it could feel as a parent, sometimes.  Often.

Thank you for your sharing.  The first thought came into my mind after reading your letter was this: If freedom is not now then it shall never be.

What I am saying is freedom is available to us now and always, what seems to be most impossible has all along been a possibility if we are to open ourselves to it.  Whereas we are ever longing for our final deliverance, what is given us in our life here and now is a signpost, a foretaste of what's to come.

Already; not yet.

"We must turn to the children; the exhausted; the ravaged and burdened and oppressed - they know the secret…"  This is the quote I picked today, from Rowan Williams.  Here I want to share with you what goes after this line:

"It's the really hungry who can smell fresh bread a mile away. For those who know their need, God is immediate - not an idea, not a theory, but life, food, air for the stifled spirit and the beaten, despised, exploited body.

But what is this food, this life? Here's the deeper secret. To Jesus is given the freedom to give God's own life and love…Wherever He is, God is active, pouring out His gift, inviting our response. And this means we can't know fully who God is and what God gives unless we are willing to stand in the same place as Jesus…

Here is the secret of our true identity - we are made to be God's children and to find our most profound freedom in surrender to Him.

Once we recognise God's great secret, that we are all made to be God's sons and daughters, we can't avoid the call to see one another differently. No one can be written off; no group, no nation, no minority can just be a scapegoat to resolve our fears. We cannot assume that any human face we see has no divine secret to disclose: those who are culturally or religiously strange to us; those who so often don't count in the world's terms (the old, the unborn, the disabled).

An authentic Church has a difficult job. On the one hand, it must be constantly learning from the Bible and its shared life of prayer how to live with Jesus and His Father . . .

But there is a further dimension. Living in Jesus's company, I have to live in a community that is more than just the gathering of those who happen to agree with me, because I need also to be surprised and challenged."

What we will encounter then at the end is not an answer that explains everything (do we really need or want that anyway?), but God Himself.

And in Jesus, the encountering beings in the here and now.

Yours, Alex