Wild is The Wind

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there; the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Job 1:21 (NRSV)


“So don’t be so surprised when I tell you that you have to be ‘born from above’—out of this world, so to speak. You know well enough how the wind blows this way and that. You hear it rustling through the trees, but you have no idea where it comes from or where it’s headed next. That’s the way it is with everyone ‘born from above’ by the wind of God, the Spirit of God.”

John 3:7-8 (The Message)

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Dear Kate,

Can anything really be "life changing" when you have already gathered decades under your belt?

Things that worked so far we wouldn't want to change.  Things didn't but we think should have wouldn't want our mind to change on them.  I don't need to particularly like my life to want it all over again for one more day everyday.  Secured habits secure.

Last November before starting my new job I promised my friends at the day program of a long-term care home that I would visit them soon, Christmas the latest.  I was planning to bring my son and he his guitar to sing Christmas songs with them.  A promise infused with sight and sound and smell it was and still is, even now, in July.  I close my eyes and I am there.

I knew it was a promise I likely couldn't keep.  How could I, so new at my job to ask for Christmas off?  It was more like a child's yuletide wish, a farewell make-believe, a sugarcoat lie I told myself to keep from looking back when I walked down the hall to take off for the last time a volunteer vest I put on for my friends.  Two nonagenarians told me many times before to never go back, that I was wasting my life on them.  You are too young to care for us, and they are not paying you, their exact words.  They thought it's proper that I love money more than I love them.  You need to care for yourself first.  Of everyone there they were the happiest to see me, greeting me every time like it was a genuine surprise, and for that they thought it's proper also to feel guilty about wanting too much, even after 90 years.

My life was changed, a genuine surprise.  So is how any hope to unbreak my promise is now gone with the wind.  Or is it?

Life's promise is in going with the wind.

Yours, Alex