Wait and See

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

— The Gospel of Matthew

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Dear Kate,

Not everyone has a God, but who doesn’t have a Godot?

I don't presume you've read Beckett or in particular "Waiting for Godot," and I shall try my best to write something readable with that in mind--which is to say I shall refrain from writing what I have in heart.

It is one of the most important plays of the 20th Century, blah blah blah, about two men waiting for someone who never comes, blah blah blah.

Sounds boring?  Not a chance.  It's still often staged, sometimes with popular actors, even last year.  If anything the play's reputation is growing, and I could imagine especially now.

Now as in what? A pandemic that's called the human condition, waiting for a miracle to come.  Though we are not quite sure what we are waiting for or what sort of miracle is needed to make what kind of difference.

Sure we are not waiting for our retirement; it's just an excuse.  An excuse for us to say there is a reason to work harder, work more, or, in any case, keep working.  An excuse to not say the unspeakable: the futility of it all.

Young people talk about retirement too, all the time.  (My son in highschool.)  If someone makes it big as a YouTuber, the first statement you will hear is his earning, and the next is...now he can retire.  Netflix and chill shall be the remains of his days.  From now on it will only be pleasure-seeking—though the pleasure of seeking is not part of the retirement package.

When we are denied the reason to pleasure, pleasure becomes the reason.  You can say the same about work (as I did yesterday) and much of life.

The last time life being spontaneous in its giving and you in receiving, do you remember when it was?  That must be a time you didn't need to remember much and fear even less: you were too present to be distracted by excuses.  You weren't taking any selfie either, too captivated by a miracle to think of capturing yourself in it.  And why anyway?—you didn't think it was going to end.  It's the anxious, hopeless adult who's always pulling out the phone to catch herself in the act of losing.  Give a child a camera and see what he will look at.

What are you looking for? is a question only you can ask.  I can only show you what I am looking at.

Yours, Alex